As a fairly isolated person … living in a tiny village far from family and friends, and working alone … this past year has had some dark nights. That’s certainly true for countless people all over the planet.
The existential darkness is a particular burden for artists. Why am I doing this? Do these careful lines and swirls of paint really matter? Sometimes even beauty feels pointless. Rationalizations like “art benefits its culture,” and “you produce a product which benefits the economy,” and “people like your work,” and “you should be using your God-given talent” …. none of these abstractions soothe the soul on those dark nights.
Sometimes you just have to get through it organically, to wait it out. One of my mentors, Michael Kampen-O’Riley used to observe that when I go into a dark hole for a couple of days, I come out of it and do my best work. And as I think back across this year, I realize he may be on to something. Somewhere in the darkness we find purpose, and climb out of it with fresh eyes. The only truly useful beliefs are the ones that are tested … the ones that require you to hold on to them even in the darkness.
Paintings usually mean something to the people who commission them. I remember a story about my dear friends Ann and Peter, for whom I’ve done several portraits. Ann told me something once that changed my life. Funny, because I think it was just a passing comment for her. She is amazing that way — always hiding magical ideas in the most ordinary words. Anyway, she told me that when they evacuated their beautiful Folly Beach home for hurricanes, the only things they would take from the house were my paintings. When I asked her why, she said, “Because they are us … they are part of the family … the part that lives on.”
A commission is a responsibility. Instead of pointless swirls of paint, the portrait holds the potential to be the part that lives on. If I do my job well, it will be. And in that responsibility lies purpose. The kind of purpose that pulls us out of the dark night, back into the studio, back into that place of beauty and hope.
Working on Hannah and Phoebe. Just want to do my job well.
Peter Korb